I have little/lots to say

So right now, at exactly this moment I am talking to Sarah, the friend I mentioned in my first blog that moved to Darwin with her husband. We were talking about blogging and I said I wanted to write something, but I didn't quite know what to write about. Sarah pointed out I had lots of things I could say so here goes. Wish me luck!

When I go shopping I always have to plan it. What shops I'm going to and in what order, because I hate shopping so much that I need to be in and out as quickly as possible. So, last Thursday I went shopping and with my plan in my mind, my next stop was Forever New. So I'm walking along, past the food court -which by the way I didn't stop at this time but usually do - and I'm looking around watching all the people eat at 4.30-5pm and I'm quite intrigued whether it's a late lunch or an early dinner and then it happens...

I feel my foot slide accross and my knee bend and the next thing I can feel is the front of my kneecap hitting the floor and then my knee landing sideways and underneith me. I'm still not even sure how it ended up landing sideways when I fell forwards, but anyway, My left arm hit the floor only seconds after that and I was so embarrassed that I didn't have time to cry.

I stood up quickly and my mum came rushing over, which was also embarrasing, but I was secretly glad someone I knew was there to help me. She asked me if my kneecap had dislocated and I said a quick no and tried to walk. She said the operation must have worked (I had one less than a year ago to stop my knee from dislocating.) and then someone came over and handed my mum my sunglasses which had flew off my head across the floor and landed at her feet. I couldn't even tell you what the lady looked like, since I was so embarrassed that I didn't even look at her and only just heard my mum say thankyou. My mum took my bag and carried it for me and I limped all the way to Forever New. I brought a scarf from there and the sales lady asked me how I was. I wanted to yell and scream that I was in pain and my knee was killing and I fell over but all I said was "good thankyou" and she said "enjoy the rest of your night" as I was leaving and all I could say was "I will."

Mum wanted to go elsewhere but I was in so much pain and had to go to my friend Freyah's birthday that night, so I just wanted to go home and have a rest before I went into the city for dinner. On the way home I felt so sore and crabby that I didn't say much in the car. When I got home I checked my kneecap and already it was swollen and had a bruise. It was the weirdest bruise I've ever seen. It was these tiny little purple spots, like someone has poked me with pens.

A week and 2 days on and I'm still in pain, it's still swolen and the bruise is still there. I thought after the operation I was going really well. But this one fall has been a step backward. It was bending so much better lately and now after the fall it hurts when I try to bend it. I was just starting to get back to walking up the stairs pain free, and now it's hurting to do that again. I wasn't able to go down stairs very well and I still can't do that, so there's no change there. It is just so frustrating that I want to scream. But I won't. I've been icepacking it as much as possible, trying to do it every night but I'm so forgetful that I forget to put the icepack back into freezor sometimes. Hopeless.

Ok here's some poetry now.

On that very first day that I met you, I thought it might be hard

To guide you on the right track, from a life that's been so sad

You told me who you were, and you laughed a little loud

And when I laughed along with you, I could tell that made you proud

But in an instant that all changed and your smile just dissapeared

And the way you were, was different now, the others had just neared

And from that day on I would see just how quickly you could change

For not one second of your life, could ever be the same

One minute you are laughing and the next you may just cry

And I always see you giving up, when you promised you would try

I try not let it get to me when you push me away

Because you never stop fighting me, even when you want me to stay

Freedom makes you happy, it's the one thing everybody sees

And I can really notice when you try so hard to please

When you're angry you can't help but cross that line

I see you're saddest moment is when you think you've been left behind

You've said bad things and from the truth you've walked away

And you've given me nothing, sometimes even for days

I've tried to help when I think you're ready for it

Even on the days when you choose to ignore it

I've let you sit there when you've been upset

Even in the times when you show no regret

I know you've hurt those around you, just because they're there

And I know that when you do it, sometimes you just don't even care

I've heard you when you're angry and I've seen you when you're strong

I've heard you when you're sorry and I've seen you not admit when you're wrong

But out of nowhere you thank me, just for being there

And you smile for just one second and it lets me know you care

And though it lit up the room when everything was dark

That smile of yours was never going to last

For in just a moment you'll remember, just how hard it is to be

Inside the body of a person, that acts too differently.

Tad bit long. Sorry!